Missing the mark

So earlier on I was raving about how totally wonderful my children are - they are mostly but I am sometimes just missing the mark. Who out there thinks they may have finally sussed this whole parenting thing only to have it blow up in your face ? Let me explain in one word - TEENAGERS! Ahhhh yes you understand now! Hormones, opinions, rights, limits, ownership, its all about me me me!  I remember when the kids were little and being told that it will get more difficult when the kids grow up - HAH! whatever I thought - nothing could be more difficult than being sleep deprived, being followed everywhere, not having any 'me' time, having to take the kids everywhere, not being able to shower or eat or go to the toilet, having to be on the ball 24/7 so the kids didn't hurt themselves, surviving tantrums, screaming children, childhood illness, toilet training, ensuring they meet their milestones, driving them around to fulfill their social needs and the list continues! Little did I know that these very wise and 'experienced' women were trying to prepare me for what was yet to come! And it is coming to me now - just like the wise woman predicted.  Maybe not as bad as they said, we definitely have different challenges but yes, I now understand that teenagers are indeed harder work than little kiddies.  They are not harder work physically but by jingo they are sure hard work emotionally!  I worry constantly about their safety, their emotional wellbeing, whether they have good friends to help guide them.  I worry about their futures, their jobs, marriages, spiritual safety and whether or not we have caused enough emotional harm that will warrant the need for counseling - how much counseling? whoooaaaa. Mothers of young children - do you realize how amazingly hard it is to let your child go and ride around the block for the very first time without you? How hard it is the first time they catch a bus or train without you - to the city!!! OH MY!!!Stress levels peaking!!! So I know I am one of 'those' over protective mothers - yep I'll own that but at least my kids are safe right? But are they sane? I don't know - we will find out in years to come I guess but for now - I'm doing things as best as I can.  The firstborn always cops it hard and I am already hearing those famous words "you never let me do that at his/her age".  I guess I am growing up and learning with/from my children - yes my dear son James - you were VERY sheltered but how much of an amazingly respectful young man have you become? Everyone loves you, and I have to wonder if he would be the same if I wasn't so neurotic? I think he was nearly 17 when I let him catch the train on his own - but only if I took him to the station and I had to know who he was going to meet up with.  Sharni was probably about the same age - but she had to travel with a friend, which meant that on occasion her friend would have to travel all the way up our way to meet her at our train station just for her to go all the way back to their station at which point their mum(my friend) would call me to say they have her and she's safe.  Tommy is 15 and still has not caught the train but he has been able to bike to the shops for me on several occasions - woohoo!! So why is it that I find it difficult to let go? And I come up with this answer - I don't think its an issue of 'letting go' but more of  an issue of not trusting people - other people.  I have seen and heard of so many innocent people becoming victims of others selfish desires that the thought of this horrifies me beyond thinking logically!  I trust my children - but I do not trust other people - all these scenarios keep running through my brain (mostly from watching too many NCIS shows). Or maybe its the fact that as a child on a seemingly ordinary day at timezone with my brother, I too became the victim of a perverts roaming hands across my butt.  At the time I didn't understand - but after having children it made me aware how very easy it is for things to happen. The came the scenarios - he could have easily taken me, what would he have done? Would I be here? See where I'm going with this? I used to think my 'overprotectiveness' stemmed from my dad - but I realized that it actually came from experience after remembering 'that day' with the man in the trench coat. I was lucky sooo sooo lucky - now its my kids that's ever so gradually chipping away at my fears ... I'm sorry guys!  I so wish I could be one of those mums that can let go and trust that no harm will come to my treasures but Im not there yet - gradually getting there but not quite!! But seriously a WHOLE lot more chillaxed about certain things that would normally send me in a tizzy!!  My kids are training me!! Damian is totally opposite to me here - he has the 'she'll be right' attitude.  I have taken on some of this attitude - not so much with the kids but more with the housework side of things!! So mums of young children - rest later and build up your heart strength for what is yet to come.  I know there will be lots more for me to experience - I am just at the beginning of my teenage cycle and it scares me!  Encourage your children to choose good friends - they will be important to your children through 'difficult' times and we want good friends that encourage and lift rather than drag them down or make them feel inferior.  Why our kids still stand by 'difficult' friends is beyond me.  Ha! saying that, I clearly remember entering my 40th year and deciding to remove 'toxic' people from my life.  "they will come good" I would think or "I've been friends with them for such a long time" but when I sat and thought about what kind of friend they were, it was not hard to make the decision to cull them from my life.  I learnt the 'hard way' about people.  And I guess I hoped my children wouldn't make the same mistakes or go through the same hardships as I went through.  But my journey is not theirs, I can clearly see toxic people in their lives and on occasion I have not been able to help my mouth from giving my opinion or thoughts.  For the most part I work really really hard to keep my mouth shut. There are the times that the kids (as in the older teens) get mad at me and think I'm being mean, but I believe its my duty to intervene every now and then when things get out of hand to help my children 'think' about certain situations.  I wish my mum had taught me these skills - maybe I would have not made so many mistakes - I was so naïve, I was so wrong about people so many times.  One thing I learnt is that not everyone thinks like me..really? go figure - DERRR!! If I said some thing, I meant it. I wasn't sneaky or vindictive.  It is how it is and that's just it.  If only life was really like that! like sunshine and lollipops!  So seeing your children go through these challenges are much more difficult than I ever imagined possible..can I stop it? NO..but I can do whatever I can to help make the ride as painless as possible for them - even if it means being called mean or getting grumpy attitudes - one day they will thank me right?